Striving for perfectionism

Unhappy? Self-Critical? Maybe You’re Just a Perfectionist
By Benedict Carey

"Yet several recent studies stand as a warning against taking the platitudes of achievement too seriously. The new research focuses on a familiar type, perfectionists, who panic or blow a fuse when things don’t turn out just so. The findings not only confirm that such purists are often at risk for mental distress — as Freud, Alfred Adler and countless exasperated parents have long predicted — but also suggest that perfectionism is a valuable lens through which to understand a variety of seemingly unrelated mental difficulties, from depression to compulsive behavior to addiction.

Some researchers divide perfectionists into three types, based on answers to standardized questionnaires: Self-oriented strivers who struggle to live up to their high standards and appear to be at risk of self-critical depression; outwardly focused zealots who expect perfection from others, often ruining relationships; and those desperate to live up to an ideal they’re convinced others expect of them, a risk factor for suicidal thinking and eating disorders."

(Link via Kyle.)

I recommend reading the entire article.

I have a few perfectionist tendencies. Because I’m finishing up my degree I find it useful to focus on my performance. Meaning, I expect an A on almost all occasions (unless, of course, it is a subject I don’t care about and have ignored-like Chemistry). The other day I was a part of a group presentation and really felt my need for perfection kicking in. It was someone else’s turn to speak for our group and the poor girl was choking with nervousness. Her hands were quivering, her words were jumbled, it was quite clear she wasn’t prepared to carry on. My immediate thoughts were, “Oh no-this poor girl!” followed by, “I must step in or else her performance is going to bring down the grade of the entire group!” So, at the right moment I intervened and stole the show. She gave me a tiny look of relief and the rest of our presentation ran smoothly. I felt a little arrogant because at that point I was dominating the presentation but my interest was in the grade and I wanted to make sure that grade would be an A.

I also have a few perfectionist tendencies in other areas of my life. Such as, I can’t handle having guests over who refuse to take off their shoes at the door. My poor heart can’t take it. My apartment is lined with beige carpeting. Have you seen what happens to beige carpeting over a period of time? It’s a sight for sore eyes… My dream is to live somewhere with wooden floors that do not require such constant care and concern but right now that dream is on hold. Certain members of my immediate family do not understand the importance of taking off their shoes at my door and have knowingly ignored this rule. On these occasions I’ve had to take off their shoes for them. This usually makes the point that I am quite serious about the "no shoes in my apartment" rule and that I’m not the kind of carefree host who can simply look the other way. To further drive home the point, I’ve considered throwing their shoes off the balcony but something has stopped me from doing so. Maybe it’s my need to demonstrate some degree of sanity, however faint?